Why the F@*$ Did They Both Get Cake?

We celebrated my mother's 59th birthday last night by having her make us a meatloaf dinner. My parents birthdays, along with their wedding anniversary, are so close that they get jipped. It's common for them to receive a single gift for all three occasions, from their three children. While this might seem unfair and uncool, it allows us to get them a nice gift instead of golf balls and socks.

Plans had been discussed to do the same type of combined super gift this year. But when it came time to pull the trigger, my sister (the planner) was missing in action. I picked up the slack, nailed the plan down on email, and when details of money owed arose my sister informed us that, not only was she forgoing her original plan, but also that she had already purchased our mom a bird bath. This left my brother and I holding a stale plan. We came up with a suitable substitute and our sister signed her name to that gift anyway.

My sister's kids have had a lot to deal with in the last couple years. The strain of a divorce shows occasionally, taking the form of delusional scenarios where their father buys the house next to my parents and visits could be arranged on a whim. In reality, their father has seen them a mere 5 times in the last two years, since they moved back from Ohio. That said, they have my sister wrapped. Because kids are so obviously a personal part of any parent's life, it's tough to openly judge parental techniques. But let's give it a try.

Throughout the entire meatloaf meal, the kids were continually told to eat. The birthday menu consisted of bacon laced meatloaf, corn, mashed potatoes, and biscuits. The only items willingly eaten were the bacon and biscuits amidst countless, defiant cries of "I'm not eating that" or "I'm not hungry." So when another piece of bacon was requested, do you think mommy bargained for the consumption of some corn, meatloaf, or mashed potatoes? Nope. It was handed over with a submission laden casualness that was embarrassing.

Dinner with these two is always a tiresome event. I'm not going to bore you by recalling every insubordinate dinner-time detail, because we would be here a while. The kids have it hard during the transition to their daddyless life. No doubt they'll need extra attention, but they'll also need structure. If getting through a meal is this tough, can you imagine how little those kids will listen to mom when a real problem arises? Start with basics and stick to your guns. Your kids will respect you for it. You can start by sending them to bed without desert once in a while.