The Asians Want My Baby

I've never been good at picking up on signals. While I can almost always discern people's moods and underlying intentions, I've never easily detected if someone is interested. I've always needed things spelled out for me, in regards to the "more than friends" signals.

I've written notes in grade school with check boxes (Yes if you like me, and no if you don't) and during my awkward high school days it wasn't much better; I needed a conversation clearly stating that you were my girlfriend, for that to be true. So when the various Asian ladies show interest, at all the various Asian eateries I frequent, it's not a surprise that I need someone a bit more savvy to translate and convey these visual cues.

Asian food, in the last fifteen years, has become a staple in my digestive endeavors. I was introduced to sushi (by an ironically named boss: Fish) almost thirteen years ago, I'm fortunate to have the best Thai food in Chicagoland a mere half-mile from my home, and I've run into a slew of cute Asian ladies that all want my baby.

Once, at my favorite Thai haunt, I was asked if "that girl" I occasionally dine with was my girlfriend. Contrary to my usual inability to read people, it was perfectly clear that "Yes she is" was not the desired response. She wanted my baby.

Another one of my Asian girlfriends went missing in action from a favorite Pho eatery. She reappeared last weekend as our waitress, during one of the wallet draining sushi excursions. When a friend said she was blushing, after I told her I remembered her, I knew she wanted my baby.

Asians in general are a beautiful sort and rarely have I run into one that hasn't been polite. Still, all my Asian girlfriends are missing one thing: None of them hold my heart. Meeting the lady is the best thing that has ever happened to me and yes, she wants my baby.